Every other year or so my husband and I like to take an adults only vacation. We get the little ones squared away with grandma for a week and we take off, just the two of us, for some time all to ourselves. Last year we took a 7 day cruise to the Caribbean. We went zip-lining, rock climbing, kayaking, rafting, and snorkeling. We spend a ton of time laying on the pool deck reading together and listening to music that was not written by the Wiggles or Sophia the First.  We ate blissful meals where we got to talk about grown-up things- and didn't even have to speak in code! It was heaven. A full week of alone time with my husband was heaven.

One thing I noticed on our vacation was that there were typically two types of couples. The first type was glued at the hip. They ate dinner together, laid out together, went on excursions together- everything one person did, their spouse was also doing. The other type was involved in more of a hit and run. They would meet up and check-in and then go their separate ways. The reason I call this a hit and run is because I saw one couple literally knock into each other in the hallway, outside their room, and then run off to do separate things. Now, there's no right or wrong way to enjoy a vacation, but, seeing as this is a blog about marriage, let's look at these two styles from a marriage view point.


Dr. Gottman says, "Many people think that the secret to reconnecting with their partner is a vacation by the sea. But a romantic outing only turns up the heat if a couple has kept the pilot light burning by staying in touch in the little ways." I would imagine that the "hit and run" couples are those who have lost sight of the little things that make a marriage so amazing. Do they do the dishes together? Are they asking each other about their day when they come home from work? Will they sit next to each other while they watch TV?  The "glued at the hip" couples probably do most of these things. They "... let their spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life." (Gottman)


The next time your spouse tries to get your attention, ask for help, or start a conversation do everything in your power to make sure they know that they are a high priority to you. Put down your phone and look at them when you are talking. Respond to questions with full sentences rather than grunts or shrugs. Acknowledge their need for your emotional support. Stop what you are doing to help them with a menial task. Doing these small things can change the way you feel about each other. It will bring you closer together and could even reignite a spark that might have been lost.


My heavenly vacation could have been a horrendous disaster if my husband and I had allowed our "pilot light" to burn out. If we want to continue to have wonderful adult only vacations every other year, we need to work together daily. It's all about the little things!