Sonny and Cher, Barack and Michelle, Will and Jada, Prince William and Kate. All of these couples are strong, powerful, famous, and admired by millions. They are what is know as "Power Couples". In our own families my husband and I like to consider ourselves the power couple. Let's be honest, who wouldn't want to be put on their family's 2018 Top Power Couples list?! Before we can be power couples though, we need to figure out how power is supposed to work in a family.

I recently read an address called "Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families" by Richard B. Miller. In this address he talked about the power struggles that happen within a family and the affects they can have in our marriages. If we want to be a "Power Couple" we need to listen to Miller's advice.

He begins by reminding us that, "In healthy, well-functioning families, there is a clear hierarchy between parents and children. Parents are the “executive committee” and the “board of directors” of a family." At first this seems to be an obvious hierarchy, but as a mom of a toddler I can tell you that you don't always feel like an executive.















My youngest daughter is my strong-willed Tasmanian devil and has, what we lovingly refer to as, strong leadership skills. There are times in our family that my husband and I have thrown up our hands and gave in to her demands. Looking back I know that that was the wrong choice. We should have stood firm and held tight to the power in that relationship. In those moments of weakness the one thing I could feel good about was the fact that my husband and I were defeated together. She didn't pit us against each other, or split us up.


Miller talks about the importance of being united as parents. He says, "Sometimes a parent forms a coalition with a child against the other parent. Although usually unspoken, a parent undermines the other parent. It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children. If parents disagree on parenting issues, they should discuss the issues in an “executive session” without the children present."

This is one lesson my husband and I have never had to learn the hard way. We have always agreed that when disagreements about parenting choices come up, we need to discuss them privately. Especially with my little one, we don't always agree on the best way to handle her outbursts. Generally, I like to approach the situation by talking it out, finding out the root cause of the problem, and finding a solution that makes everyone happy. My husband prefers to handle the issues quickly, handing out time-outs and consequences for any rule-breaking that he might see. These two, very different, styles of parenting have lead to many closed-door "executive sessions".
I honestly believe that being united in your parenting decisions is more important than anything else you choose to do as parents. You have to show your children that you are a strong, unbreakable partnership. You don't always have to agree, but you have to present a united front. For example, should my nine-year-old be allowed to stay up past ten o'clock at night? I don't think so, but my husband does. So she get's to stay up late only if she is reading quietly in her bed and she doesn't have school the next day. According to her, my husband and I both agree on and support that decision so she has never tried to get either of us to bend.


Miller concludes his address by reminding us that, "Healthy marriages consist of an equal partnership between a husband and a wife. Many marital problems have as their root cause an unequal relationship or struggles over who has control in the relationship." We know that an unequal balance of power can lead to abusive or, at the least, unhappy marriages. Miller even points out that these unbalanced relationships often lead to one partner's depression.

This means we need to work together in ALL things. We need to share in the housework. We should both participate in financial decisions. Most importantly, we need to teach our children, by example, that our marriage bond doesn't end just because we had children. We are united. We are one. We are a power couple!